I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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