How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
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You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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