so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
