you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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