Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
