Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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