Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
