My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
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Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
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Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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