why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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