I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
