I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
