just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Welp...herpes.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Randomize
