I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
