I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize