I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
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Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
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You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I supernannyed him into submission
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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