office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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