Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
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like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
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we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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