the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
