there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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