How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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