Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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