I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
