What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
