He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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