Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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