He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
