i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
