I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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