I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
