You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
