She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
