How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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