rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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