oh god the rape fog is back!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
