She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
