I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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