OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
