Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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