drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
