it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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