I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
