We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
