at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
