Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
