Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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