Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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