Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
