But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Randomize
