Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
