Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
don't judge my taste in strippers
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
