dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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