pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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