i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
