look no pants
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
