So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize