matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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