My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
