They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
