Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
