He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
