You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
