I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
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Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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