Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Randomize
