You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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