im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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