Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
