between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
vagina is talking i cant
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
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I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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