He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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