Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
