Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
