Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
