i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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