there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
