didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
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I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
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I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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