new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we're making bets on your personal life
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
