If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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