We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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