Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
two words: eviction party
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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